Friday, December 30, 2011

The Answer

On my knees...I could spend more time there. When I think of the things I "should" be doing, on my knees in prayer always tops my list.

It's the things we "should" do that usually don't get done...until we are so desperate, we cannot not do them.

The times I am driven to my knees most, the reason this dance was created, well, it was in desperation. I'll never forget dropping to my knees in fear & pain. Crushed by the things that come when we "grow-up" and realize that people we thought were perfect are far from it. But more than that, I have been driven to my knees by my fear and hatred of myself. I found someone who was lacking, I couldn't depend on her anymore...

The Answer from Shelby Lynn on Vimeo.

On my knees in my college dorm room, and in times since, I have been driven there by circumstances I never could have predicted.  But, I find in that moment all the answers I need. The pain does not end, the problem is not solved, but a connection with the Creator of the universe is found. The realization that I'm not alone anchors me to the truth. And even though I don't have the answers, I find the courage to get off my knees and take another step. Funny how falling to my knees gives me what I need to get off of them.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011


I'm not a big fan of feet, they're ugly. But my own feet I can tolerate. It might have something to do with the fact that my feet inspire me, these two have survived a lot, all 10 toes in fact, deserve an award.

I nearly lost one of them when I was a sophomore in college. Two days after my man proposed, I wound up in the hospital with a strange circulation problem that turned the little piggy black & blue.  After a week on blood thinners and the same meds my grandparents take, I was sent back to the cold world with my toes wrapped warmly in socks and shoes.  But I viewed my feet differently after that.

They are something that I protect, I watch carefully, and on a good day, I let them out to wiggle free in the sunshine.  My feet remind me that I'm weak, that if I forget to protect them they could be in danger again. That while doctors and medicines are strong, sometimes there isn't an explanation for healing, it just happens, slowly over time and usually the Healer goes unnoticed. My feet help me remember Him.

My feet in the ocean off the coast of Australia.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Control Freak

That's me...and I'd like to believe I'm not alone.

I'm not what you'd picture for a control freak: having a perfect house (that's my husband, the neat freak; it's so great!), perfect hair cannot happen when yours is naturally curly, or matchy matchy clothes. I'd much rather mix turquoise & pink with brown boots and a khaki vest! Case in point ----->

No, I like to control the uncontrollable...people & circumstances. The guy at the Verizon store who tells me the phone I want isn't in stock and he has no idea when it will be. Snowy weather which has made me late. Or bless them, my great co-workers who just don't realize that all my ideas are the best.

This lack of control nearly got the best of me in college, it came in the form of a nasty eating disorder. "Didn't I already slay that dragon? This beast of control had to have been purged from me through years of therapy, right?" But here it is again, haunting me...controlling me.

"Apart from me you can do nothing" ~John 15:5

That is what I try to remember when life feels out of control, that I don't really have it. He doesn't want me to control life anyway. About the only thing I can control is the love I give back to Him, to others and to myself.


Wednesday, December 21, 2011

So it begins

Why Blog?
That's the question that I have been asking myself for months.
I journal, those thoughts are meant to be private, between me & God or me and myself.

But I'm learning that even though I'm an introvert, I long to connect, to genuinely reach out and be a part of someone else's life experience, and have them be a part of mine.

To share in this thing we call life, and the struggle to live.
I want to live life, and I want that for others. I want the truth to prevail, and as much as a blog is about the person writing it, I want this to be about Someone else...the One that I'm trying to figure out.

I believe in art, in beauty in the ordinary and that sometimes the hurt of our lives, of my life, makes my heart ache for something more. I want to find that and explore that, to inspire and be inspired. Others inspire me, I want to be in a community where inspiration happens. So, I've decided to blog.