Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Control Freak

That's me...and I'd like to believe I'm not alone.

I'm not what you'd picture for a control freak: having a perfect house (that's my husband, the neat freak; it's so great!), perfect hair cannot happen when yours is naturally curly, or matchy matchy clothes. I'd much rather mix turquoise & pink with brown boots and a khaki vest! Case in point ----->

No, I like to control the uncontrollable...people & circumstances. The guy at the Verizon store who tells me the phone I want isn't in stock and he has no idea when it will be. Snowy weather which has made me late. Or bless them, my great co-workers who just don't realize that all my ideas are the best.

This lack of control nearly got the best of me in college, it came in the form of a nasty eating disorder. "Didn't I already slay that dragon? This beast of control had to have been purged from me through years of therapy, right?" But here it is again, haunting me...controlling me.

"Apart from me you can do nothing" ~John 15:5

That is what I try to remember when life feels out of control, that I don't really have it. He doesn't want me to control life anyway. About the only thing I can control is the love I give back to Him, to others and to myself.


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