Monday, January 30, 2012


I cannot tell you why it happens. It doesn't really make sense. That small logical part of my brain, (it's very small, I'm a woman, so my heart usually makes all my decisions!) has tried to figure it out in the past. But I cannot for the life of my explain why I pretend or why I try to cover over my flaws.

It's got to be fear. Fear that I won't be accepted, loved, valued, appreciated or seen as an equal. Perhaps pride, that I can project this persona that's so great it's worth admiring, respecting and even emulating. What a lethal combination - fear & pride.
The honest truth is that I want to believe what God says. That He loves me, so much that I can stop being afraid. I can let down my pride and just be the woman He's made me to be. I want to walk in that freedom. And if I could do something in that freedom, it would be to connect to someone else in her own moment of weakness. My name means "sheltered town". I want to be a place where she, where you, can feel safe. Because, let's be honest I don't have enough fingers and toes to count how many times I messed up today. But God still loves me...the truth for today is that He loves us both.
~ Shelby

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