We've had our baby girl to hold, cuddle and love on for two weeks now. People want to know how you feel after you have your first child, and if I could write a song, a poem or choreograph a dance to show you, it still wouldn't be enough.
Still, this new wave of love threatens to overwhelm me with both happy thoughts and huge fears.
"What if we lost her?"
That question has swirled in and out of my mind these last two weeks as I watch her sleep, kiss her face and start to learn about this new soul. It could cripple me, that fear. And truly, the reality is, we could lose her at any moment. It takes my breath away to remember that the Sarah she was named after...died at only 15. What if that happens to my Sarah?
And then, the peace that passes all understanding reminds me of this truth...
"You have had 14 days with a child you thought you might not ever have."
In God's great mercy He gave us this Princess of Mercy - Sarah Lynn Mercy. I have had more days with her today, than I ever dreamed possible. My heart is so full of gratitude to God for giving her to us, if only for these days.
I'm learning that this attitude of a heart that is genuinely grateful will live in peace. If I can wake and be thankful for this moment, this day with our girl, I can savor it, and I can remove the fear of tomorrow, because I'm living for today.
So in this moment, as I watch her sleep I say a prayer of thankfulness to God for this day, and the past 14 He has given us. What a gift.
~ Shelby
"What if we lost her?"
That question has swirled in and out of my mind these last two weeks as I watch her sleep, kiss her face and start to learn about this new soul. It could cripple me, that fear. And truly, the reality is, we could lose her at any moment. It takes my breath away to remember that the Sarah she was named after...died at only 15. What if that happens to my Sarah?
And then, the peace that passes all understanding reminds me of this truth...
"You have had 14 days with a child you thought you might not ever have."
In God's great mercy He gave us this Princess of Mercy - Sarah Lynn Mercy. I have had more days with her today, than I ever dreamed possible. My heart is so full of gratitude to God for giving her to us, if only for these days.
I'm learning that this attitude of a heart that is genuinely grateful will live in peace. If I can wake and be thankful for this moment, this day with our girl, I can savor it, and I can remove the fear of tomorrow, because I'm living for today.
No, it's not easy, I can't say the fear doesn't overwhelm me at times, but I want to live this way, to believe the truth that being grateful really can free me from this fear, and can allow me to entrust Sarah to God.
~ Shelby
Beautiful post, I struggle with the same thing, and always appreciate hearing the truth. Hope you and Sarah and Silas are settling in wonderfully!
ReplyDeleteJenna, yes, I'd say we are settling in. I think Sarah is teaching us far more than anything we will ever teach her :) Hope you, your husband and your sweet Dakota are doing well too. Enjoy that Arizona sun for us! Oh, and so glad you can relate!
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