The Story

In a nutshell, this video introduces you to me. It's not all about what went wrong, but what God did out of the darkness.

Episode 84: Recovered with Shelby Lynn from mitchkrusetv on Vimeo.

A Dancer

The most mesmerizing thing about a dancer is the combination of grace and strength; beauty and calm draped over determination and control. Handling the pull of gravity, the pressure to fall and yet, remain steadfast is hard enough, but to make it look effortless is true skill.

Looking back on tough stuff, I want to know I handled the mess with grace. Rather than shaking my fist at God, I ran to Him and allowed Him to hold me. It's in those moments of weakness, God became strong in me.

We look at people who seem to have it all together and wonder at their secret. Are they faking it, perhaps? Or, like a skilled dancer, have they found the ability to live in the tension between vulnerability & determination. Under pressure they run to the only one who is strong enough to uphold them during the storm. It's His strength we see, and their ability to lean on the grace allows them to be graceful too. I pray someday that His grace and strength, have become my defining markers.

~ Shelby

Farther Along

This is not perfect.
A little wobbly on my feet.
Legs a little bent.
Jumps are really hops.
Yet, I'm farther along in understanding dance than I have ever been.

When choreographing, just like any other art, you live with it, breathe it, sleep it and carry it around with you for a long time. It becomes a part of you that can drive you crazy, or give you strength. This song and this dance represent and mean so much to me, on so many levels, that go way beyond dance; a few imperfections mean less than they used to.

I'm starting to realize how art parallels life. And we can take heart when things don't go as planned. We'll understand that it was the living, breathing and sweat of the process that gives us joy and glimpses of real truth, beyond what the end result had ever promised.

Farther Along from Shelby Lynn on Vimeo.

~Shelby

Only Truth

There are things that I cannot express, that I wish I could make you understand. But I'm unable to put comprehension into your mind of something that is so profound it makes me weep. 

Some days, I literally have to dance around in my living room because of this truth.

"...heaven filled me with more than enough..." is a line from a song I recently choreographed a dance to (hoping to post here soon!). It describes perfectly my reaction to this truth:

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.

I am more than weak most of the time. My feet limit me, my insecurities box me in, and our vulnerabilities separate us. God sees the lies you're believing, whatever is swimming in your head right now and messing you up. And He sees...
His grace
His sufficiency
His power
His perfection

Thank you Jesus
~ Shelby

A Lie that's True

In a way, this lie is true...

We are all those things, and yet because of Jesus, we don't have to live in any of the them. But I so often get stuck there. It's sad to realize that internally this is reality, while externally I put on a pretty good show.

I've hidden from this lie the most. I lived it out in the past, to the point that I punished myself into starvation. Healed and whole from that, I am still held back today from the lie that says I am crap. And the thing that makes me mad is that this lie keeps me from the things I want the most. From being a good wife or living out the dreams God has for me. This lie is so damaging, so insipid, that seeing it here both confronts me and breaks my heart.

TRUTH

But this truth, this is why I must dance! I want to walk in that freedom, and I long for you to join me. That we who have tasted God's love, which has set us free from the pain of past regret, and the worthlessness we found there, will drink in a new life. If we, if I, could live like we believe this - each morning with a fresh start - we could be the person we've always set out to become. And the person, God has always known that we are, that He created us to be.

~Shelby

The Fire

Prayers can be scary. You know the saying: "When you pray for patience, God makes you wait". Or when you pray for strength He gives you something difficult so you'll be come stronger. I have often prayed that God's fire would consume me.

The Fire from Shelby Lynn on Vimeo.

I was asked to choreograph this dance for a women's conference called "Come to the Fire". What I didn't know when I said yes, was that I wouldn't need to ask for the "fire to fall" for long. This dance was born at a time when the flames in my life were so hot they were licking my flesh. The women who watched me perform this dance likely thought God had moved me deeply that night. I became so emotional at the end of the dance that tears poured out of me. I did not need to ask for the fire to fall, I was in it.

God had allowed me to walk through something so searing, that I honestly did not want any more fire. I wanted His glory to come up from the ashes of the mess that was my life.  And I needed his rest. My prayers haven't changed, in fact they may even be more bold now. Now, I see from the other side of the fire,
and dear one,
it is good.
~Shelby

Make the Stumble Part of the Dance

What that phrase means to me...

"I will exalt you, O Lord,

for you lifted me out of the depths

and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

O Lord my God, I called to you for help

and you healed me.

O Lord, you brought me up from the grave; 

you spared me from going down into the pit.

Sing to the Lord, you saints of his;

praise his holy name.

For his anger lasts only a moment,

but his favor lasts a lifetime;

weeping may remain for a night,

but rejoicing comes in the morning.

When I felt secure, I said,

'I will never be shaken.'

O Lord, when you favored me,

you made my mountain stand firm;

but when you hid your face,

I was dismayed.

To you, O Lord, I called;

to the Lord I cried for mercy:

'What gain is there in my destruction,

in my going down into the pit?

Will the dust praise you?

Will it proclaim your faithfulness?

Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me;

O Lord, be my help.'

Joyful feet on our wedding day

You turned my wailing into dance; 

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.

O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever."

~Psalm 30

Live 4 Truth

That's my password to about half of my online stuff. I use it to remind me what I want to be known for, the legacy I want to leave. A life lived for truth.

There are a lot of lies in this world, in fact I sometimes think there are more of those than there are truths. I used to believe the lie that people would always tell the truth...they don't. I assumed that I was good enough to get into heaven...I'm not. And I still let myself think that believing lies is better than boldly seeking and living in the truth...trust me, I'm telling you the truth, it's not.

So, I want to live for truth, I want to seek it where it may be found, and one of the things I ache for is to see that truth catch fire in others so they would live in freedom with me.

"...Then you will experience for yourselves the truth, and the truth will free you."
- John 8:32

Live4Truth from Shelby Lynn on Vimeo.

The Answer

On my knees...I could spend more time there. When I think of the things I "should" be doing, on my knees in prayer always tops my list.

It's the things we "should" do that usually don't get done...until we are so desperate, we cannot not do them.

The times I am driven to my knees most, the reason this dance was created, well, it was in desperation. I'll never forget dropping to my knees in fear & pain. Crushed by the things that come when we "grow-up" and realize that people we thought were perfect are far from it. But more than that, I have been driven to my knees by my fear and hatred of myself. I found someone who was lacking, I couldn't depend on her anymore...

The Answer from Shelby Lynn on Vimeo.

On my knees in my college dorm room, and in times since, I have been driven there by circumstances I never could have predicted.  But, I find in that moment all the answers I need. The pain does not end, the problem is not solved, but a connection with the Creator of the universe is found. The realization that I'm not alone anchors me to the truth. And even though I don't have the answers, I find the courage to get off my knees and take another step. Funny how falling to my knees gives me what I need to get off of them.
~Shelby